Second Childhood or Second Adulthood

You every feel like you are simultaneously going two different directions at the same time.

My girlfriend (now fiancee) recently became engaged.  Its surprising because its changing me and my outlook on life in ways that I didn't anticipate.  The first way is that part of me feels like the young suitor with Krissy's mother and family,  I feel a little like something to be shown off,  much like the ring that Krissy is wearing.  I also feel childlike in that I am part of an event of which I started (I did ask HER after all) but of which I have rapidly lost all control.

Not that I am complaining mind you.  In a quiet way, I really enjoy sitting back and watching Krissy and her family as they plan.

To some extent  I did sort of figure that I would feel this way.  But the up-side is that I feel more mature I feel more grounded, settled, sure of myself.  Krissy in general has this effect on me (which is one of the many reasons I love her so much) but I just feel like I am a grown up again. 

Splitting up is in a way like a second childhood,  you have a chance to get a "re-do" on all of your life decisions, sit around and eat Cheetos out of the bag and then wipe your hands on the arm rest. 

I did that and made a few mistakes (except for the Cheetos part I just added that for dramatic effect)

I did enjoy being single again. But part of it just didn't suit me.  It just didn't feel right.

Now I feel like I got something back. But not the same thing, something much better.

Things I just have to get comfortable with.

As most people can attest to, it seriously sucks getting old.  I think my first recollection that I was getting on in years was my gray hair.  At first it was little more than an oddity,  sitting in the barbers chair and watching the hair fall into the drape.  Tuft of Brown, Tuft of Brown, then finally a tuft with just a touch of gray in it.

That was then this is not,  the sequence is more like
tuft of gray,
tuft of gray,
tuft of gray with a little brown in it.

sigh.